What's In a Name

As pagans, we are quick to see the importance of a name.  We are so in tune with the idea of a name holding power that we anoint ourselves with monikers that we feel suit our spiritual self and even petition our patrons to reveal a sacred name to be used only in ritual.  We are very careful when we name our children, seeking names of power and significance.  Still, even we may occasionally under estimate how much names mean.  Let's take my youngest daughter for example.

Little Bitty Baby who is no longer so little bitty and probably deserves a more fitting screen name was named very specifically pagan.  Her full name very literally translates into "dark moon." It is a beautiful, powerful and witchy name, but it has it's draw backs.  Our Little Moon as I will refer to her from now on loves the night.  At nearly six months old she still wakes up multiple times a night to just hang out.  She want her mama to come sit on the couch and talk to her while she half heartedly pretends to nurse.  It is exhausting for me, but thankfully it is not consistent.  Her nocturnal habits follow the moon phases.  When the moon is small and dark like this past week, she sleeps very little during the night.  Last night alone, she was up six times.  Then as the moon waxes to full her sleep time increases and I am only wakened twice during the night.  Some times exhaustion makes me want to grumble and fuss over the situation, but in my heart I know that I brought it upon myself.  One does not name a child for the great power of the night and expect her to sleep soundly from sun set to sun rise. 

Another prime example is Miss Busy.  Besides driving me crazy in new ways every day yesterday we had an ongoing debate over rather or not making cat food soup was an appropriate activity for a toddler she has an intense fascination with anything magickal.  She is constantly digging in my magickal cabinet bringing me incense cones, thumbing through my books, and trying to add to my stack of notes.  Just the other day, I caught her sitting on the kitchen floor sorting through my Oracle Cards as if she were reading them. Please note that none of these items are left where she can access them with any ease, she is simply determined and continually finds ways around my solutions intended to keep her out.  Once again, it's my fault.  I named her.  Her given name means "woman with great magickal power."  She accepts the fact that my sewing table is off limits and that certain drawers in the kitchen are not for her access, but she stubbornly refuses to stay out of my magickal cabinet.  She is so obsessed with my pentacle necklace that Superman has suggested that I make her one of her own. 

The power of names hold true even when the child is not named with the careful thought that most pagan parents put into choosing a name.  The older children from our first marriages were named with totally different perspectives and still live up to their names.  The child named after greenery and plant life loves flowers.  The one who's name is means "a feminine warlike bird" is small, graceful, and lethal in any verbal match.  The one who in utero was already named for his grandfather, is a small version of the man he was named for.  It goes on and on to even include Superman and myself.  When I pause to consider, names are far more powerful than I ever realized.  It is as if they are a life long spell we place on our children. 

From Stalled Out to On a Roll

Hunter's Moon altar 2014

Ever since Little Bitty Baby made her appearance nearly six weeks ago and the entire third trimester of my pregnancy if I were to be completely honest I really haven't been feeling very ambitious.  The wheels are turning and the ideas are there, but both the time and energy to execute them has been absent.  This lackluster feeling effected every aspect of my life from routine chores to art projects and spiritual activities. 

The Harvest Moon came and went.  I wrote a beautiful baby blessing, but just didn't have the energy to set up an altar or cast a circle.  Superman and I just took the little one out in the yard to meet Her and called it a night. 

Mabon was going to be my new start.  I planned a ritual, collected crab apples and leaves to adorn my altar, and then cared for a new born and a teething toddler all day.  Once the girls were in bed, I sat down on the couch and didn't move until I could respectably call it a night myself. 

The Hunters Moon almost snuck up on me, but the unperformed baby blessing was starting to eat away at me.  Two days before the big night I started making plans, but true to my nature didn't finish pulling together a ritual until the last moment. 

Once all my notes were in order I set up the altar, laid out my Elemental stones, and then nursed the baby to sleep.  Having come too far and put in too much effort to stall yet again, I prepared myself and cast the circle. This being the first time I had cast or participated in a communal circle I fumbled a bit.  I didn't raise as much power as I do in my solitary working circles due to nerves, but I am sure that will come with practice.  As comfortable as I am with my husband, I have to admit it felt a little odd having an audience while I worked. 

When the circle was cast, Superman joined me with our sleeping baby and we read her blessing while she slumbered.  It was a beautiful experience and I believe we both were a bit misty eyed before it was over.  Although we often discuss spirituality and have fully compatible beliefs, this was the first time we celebrated those beliefs together in an official capacity.  It was a bit unnerving at first, but the feeling of closeness and contentment that followed was exhilarating. We also found it quite fulfilling to know that we had finally started a new spiritual chapter for our family. 

Now that I have resumed a magical practice and we have taken a step toward family spirituality, I feel like we are on a roll.  In the past few days we have been sharing more thoughts about Paganism, witchcraft, and the deities who may be playing rolls in our lives.  Not surprising, we both feel a special affection for Hela.  Also, I have already started making plans for Samhain.  Maybe I won't be finishing up at the last moment this time. 

Rewriting the Script

Hindsight is 20/20
Broken window in an abandoned shack outside West End, NC

Last week while I was in the hospital having Little Bitty Baby I didn't get to birth at home, Superman just couldn't come to terms with the plan I had the chance to discuss Paganism with two of the nurses.  Living in a rural area with very little outside influence, neither of them really knew what a Pagan was beyond "not a Christian." 

The first to ask was "K" the sweet nurse assigned to my care.  She had seen the listing under my religious preference and about mid morning just had to ask,

"What is a Pagan?"  Having a strong community of Native Sioux in the area I responded, 

"Paganism is a nature faith similar to the Native beliefs and is based on a reverence and oneness with the Nature." Very basic and simplistic, but I didn't want to overwhelm her. When she appeared to understand, I went on to tell her a little about my belief in The Power or Universal Energy and the inner connectedness of all that is in the Universe.  All of which she related to the faith of a Scientologist family member note to self, look up what Scientologists believe. 

"Don't you worship multiple gods and goddesses?" 

"Some Pagan's do," I responded.  "I am Pantheistic, meaning I worship no deities.  To me, deities are a way to break down the different aspects of The Power into more relatable units or personalities.  I reverence The Power as a whole." 

To tell the truth, I was pretty proud of the conversation.  I held my end and didn't flub around for answers too much.  Later we talked about auras and how science can now see the electric and magnetic energy the body emits. 

The following day when I returned for Little Bitty Baby's weight/ bilirubin check I convinced the doctors to let us go home the same day I gave birth I had a second, less successful conversation with "D".  Apparently the listing of "Pagan" on my chart had led to quite a bit of discussion among the nurses and "K" had done some explaining on my behalf, but "D" still had some questions.  After reiterating what "K" had told her, "D" asked,

"What does Pagan mean?" 

"Really, Pagan is the umbrella term for all European based Nature faiths.  The word pagan itself really just means rural.  It was the country people of Europe who held on to their ancient beliefs the longest during the spread of Christianity."  It was an answer straight from a witch's textbook, but she still looked confused so I continued.  "Druidery and Wicca are both forms of Paganism." 

At the mention of Wicca, the light went on. 

"Oh, I use to work with a Wiccan.  She was strange, she even did magic."  Uh-oh, this is definitely not the time to announce that I'm a witch.  I pulled a quick answer out of my hat. 

"Witchcraft is a part of Paganism, but not all Pagans are witches."  She seemed satisfied with the answer and the conversation moved in a more neutral direction-the baby, but on my way home I couldn't help but start rewriting the script. 

What I wish I had told her was this. 

"Magic and witchcraft really isn't anything like what you see in movies and on TV.  You know how Oprah talks about releasing intent into the Universe to make positive changes in your life?  That is the basics of spell casting:  using your own energy to communicate with the Universe about what you would like to see happen." 

I imagine she would have looked quite shocked and I would have finished up with,

"Anybody can cast a spell, but not all spells are successful.  You've probably cast a few yourself with out even realizing it." 



How comfortable are you about explaining your beliefs to others?  Do you sail right on through or flub along as I do? 

She's Here

For those of you wondering, Little Bitty Baby showed up a week ago today.  She was 8lb 11oz and 21 inches long...beautiful and healthy!