A Dangerous Mind

It is a generally accepted fact that thoughts, negative or positive, contain power.  Since witches frequently work with and rely on this power to make changes in the world around them, nobody should be more familiar with this fact than a witch.  One night last week I forgot and learned a valuable lesson. 

Maybe it all started because I don't get angry very often...or because I was tired...or because I am enormously pregnant...what ever it was, it was completely uncalled for.  In many ways, I hate to even admit that it happened because I did inflict harm on someone.  Someone I love very much and who would never consider harming me: Superman. 

Sleep has been a difficult issue at our house lately.  As my girth has grown immensely with this pregnancy, I have developed as serious case of insomnia.  That, combined with the fact that our bed is has a miniature version of the Grand Canyon running down the center of it, some times makes nights insufferably long.  I toss and turn trying to find a comfortable position and when I finally settle into something semi-suitable poor circulation causes my legs and feet to start twitching madly.  As bad as this is for me, I at least have the option of attempting to nap the following day.  My poor husband just drags his exhausted self through the day with the hopes of getting a few hours of sleep the following night in the same defunct bed with the same crazy, tossing, turning, twitching wife.  On the night in question, it just got to be too much for him to bare.

It was a particularly hot evening and I have to admit we were both already feeling a little off.  I had found a semi comfortable position and was starting to drift off when the twitching started.   Fatigue had me that evening and my body was determined to sleep, so I proceeded to head toward la-la land not noticing that the equally exhausted man beside me was about to bubble over.  Just before I was about to doze he nearly vaulted out of the bed, snatched up his pillow, and stormed to the couch muttering about his lack of sleep, the fact that I did have a nap option where he did not, and maybe that I took excessive advantage of those naps. 

A bit taken back and hurt by the mutterings, I followed him to the living room to try and make things right. When it was apparent that he did not want to return to bed and that he simply did not even want to talk to me, I returned to our bedroom wide awake.  Sleep was no longer an option so I decided to try and read, but found myself struggling with the comfort issue once again.  Sitting on the bed made my back hurt and it seemed like I had to reposition myself after every paragraph. 

I longed for the slightly elevated level of comfort the couch would have offered my awkwardly shaped figure. 

I struggled to focus on my book and instead dwelled on the comments he had made on his way out of the bedroom. 

I wished he were in the bed and I in the living room so I at least had to option of finding some dull show on Hulu to lull me to sleep. 

I imagined him sleeping blissfully. 

I got angry. 

Book open and forgotten in my lap, I begin to simmer.  Soon I was sending pointedly hostile thoughts in his direction.  I didn't think his attitude was fair and I wanted it gone.  Specifically, I wanted him to know just how uncomfortable I was...how uncomfortable I had been for weeks.  After all, it was his baby too and missing a little sleep was minor compared to all the discomforts that had seemed to pile up on me during this pregnancy.  Unkind and negative thoughts erupted from my mind and when I had exhausted my list of grievances, I started all over at the beginning.  Of course, they were petty grievances, but with the state I was in they grew like mushrooms in manure. It was a vicious cycle and who knows how long it would have continued had my overly pregnant self not had to make a bathroom run. 

On my way through the living room, I noticed that Superman instead of blissfully lounging in sleep, was laying in a somewhat contorted position on the couch.  He was also grumbling incoherently and moaning.  Urged by my stressed bladder, I continued on to the bathroom, but when his condition hadn't changed on the way back through I knew I had to wake him.  Physically distancing myself from the negativity I had created in the bedroom had caused my anger to dissipate and I sat on the edge of the couch and woke him as a nice, sane wife should.  I gently spoke to him and asked what was wrong.  His answer caused my stomach to heave.  Soon after moving to the couch he had developed a terrible headache and what sleep he had managed to get had been plagued by nightmares. 

For all the times I had sent him positive energy to calm a rough day or ease an illness, it had never occurred to me that my anger and it's negative energy would effect him on equal footing.   Of course, I wanted to right the wrong I had done and immediately set about surrounding him with healing power while easing him back toward sleep after bringing him back to bed.  Luckily, it was a lesson learned with minimal damage done.  He forgave me and all is well, but it is a lesson I will not soon forget. 

Feeling Crafty: Elemental Stones

Hand Painted Elemental Stones

Making a baby takes a lot of energy and keeping up with Miss Busy takes a lot of time, so lately I have been focusing on keeping me well and sane.  With only two weeks until my due date, I am feeling a surge of energy and the desire to create.  Thus, my most recent project. 

I have been collecting nice palm sized stones for over a month now and finally settled on these four to represent the Elementals in my sacred circle.  A few quick sketches and a daub of acrylic paint and I had exactly what I wanted.  Even Superman who was initially skeptical of the idea loves them.  I love working in Aboriginal art, but my brushes are starting to ruffle and give less precision than I like so this will probably be the last go around for them.  Waiting for a trip to the "city" for replacements will give me time to really meditate on what to do with the cauldron of stones sitting under my shrine. 

RX Coffee

Three weeks into allergy season it started late this year, I am sitting here enjoying my favorite seasonal remedy: coffee.  Although it is still considered a folk remedy and is debated hotly on the internet, I will always stand by this tried and true favorite.  Nothing clears up the seasonal sickies like a mug of hot coffee. Oh, there are herbs that do the job and I have a recipe for allergy tea that works like a charm, but for minor symptoms coffee cannot be beat.  It works quickly, is easily accessible, inexpensive, and as a dietary supplement, I am completely comfortable taking it while pregnant.  Even the nutritionists I spoke to recently said that two cups of coffee a day during pregnancy is completely harmless.  In this instance, I go a step further and say that it can be beneficial.

I know I keep saying "coffee," but the beneficial element that we are really talking about here is caffeine.  For someone who has not built up a tolerance by using this stimulant regularly , it can be just what the doctor or the naturalist ordered when the cottonwood pollen is flying and the rag weed is blooming.  For many people, like myself, minor allergic reactions to these natural substances can include congestion, headache, fatigue, itchy eyes, runny nose, etc.... Caffeine helps by relaxing the swelling in the airway allowing congestion to leave the body and relieving the headache caused by sinus pressure.  Also, since fighting off threats is exhausting the caffeine gives a little jolt of energy that facilitates the body in it's fight against it's otherwise harmless invader.  Some studies, like this one published by BBC News, even suggest that caffeine goes a bit further and acts as a natural antihistamine.  Of course, the study has it's nay-sayers, but conventional medicine is always slow to accept a natural or folk remedy. 

Now, I'm not advocating that anybody throw out their Epi-pens.  The Changeling carries an Epi to combat severe reactions from bee/wasp stings.  What I am suggesting is that before running out to buy a box allergy caplets, try drinking a hot cup of coffee.  You may find that you can cross that trip to the pharmacy off your to-do list with out even leaving the house. 

Creating, Nesting, Simplifying (Not Necessarly in that Order)

Oh and sleeping....lots of sleeping.  This pregnancy is really starting to catch up with me.  I am absolutely enormous and although I feel good, I am tired. 

A Few Recent Sewing Projects

Creating:  Baby/Toddler wardrobes, Birthday Gifts, Maternity Clothes, Wands, Father's Day Gifts (I am planning a full post on my new wand creations once they are fully embellished). 

Nesting:  Creating, Cleaning, Simplifying 

Simplifying: Assessing what we really need and what should be donated,  Streamlining daily schedules, etc... 

Thoughts On Motherhood

A Recent Photo of Miss Busy and I

There is a lot to be said for the stages of a woman's life.  Unfortunately, in our society the Maiden stage is idolized and moving on to the more mature and productive stages life is often feared or shunned.  Oh, being a Maiden is beautiful!  I love to hear the joy and optimism in my young Maiden's voice, but I also have no desire to be fourteen again.  A Maiden has troves of wonder and untouched beauty, but she also has a lot of learning to do and much of it will be painful. 

As a Mother, I feel I have come into my own.  I am currently carrying my sixth child and find myself to be more beautiful and confident than ever.  When I hold one of my children some of whom are now bigger than I am, I see how powerful and yet how small I can be at the same time.  I am the one who will provide the love that they need to grow and meet their potential, I am the measure by which they will gauge good and bad, and I am the one who's strength they will draw on.  Yet, with in all that power, I will still be unable to give them a perfect life and I am far from capable of  being  the perfect Mama I feel they deserve.  In my children I find both my honor and my humility.

As a Mother, I have learned that my body is amazing.  Before having babies, I had a body I was very proud of.  I was tall and lean, nothing except legs and boobs.  I never felt very beautiful, but I loved my figure.  When things didn't bounce right back after my first child, I felt somewhat like a failure and worked hard to get my shape back, but the babies just kept coming.  Then about the time my oldest was four he asked me, "Mama, why is your tummy so ugly."  I told him that the saggy skin and stretch marks were just the natural results of having children and he started to cry.  As he clung to me and apologized with his little heart absolutely broken over the damage he had done, I suddenly knew it didn't matter one bit.  I told him that he and his siblings were worth every single stretch mark  and I would not trade even a moment with one for them for my pretty tummy back.  That was the day I begin to make friends with my body.  Sometimes I still have a moment of insecurity, but then I remember that creating life is no easy task.  My body has worked hard and never failed to nurture and protect those I love the most.  My figure isn't perfect, but my body is. 

As a Mother, I learned to pick my battles.  My children are not here to be little reflections of me, make me look good, or to define my success as a human being.  My children are here to grow and learn and become the individuals they are meant to be.  It is very easy for many parents to view their offspring as little accessories and want to position them in whatever manner they will be the most flattering.  Sorry, but being a parent is not flattering.  It is often tiring and messy, but so very rewarding.  As long as my children are not behaving in a harmful way or being immoral, I see no reason to control their choices.  So what if Sassafras prefers camo to lace or Mr. Man chooses to wear long johns under swimming trunks to kindergarten?  They might not be following the status quo, but they are following their hearts.  By respecting them as individuals, I keep their hearts and minds open to my influence in the areas that really matter. 

I guess, over all it just boils down to...I love being a Mama.  Yet, as much as I love being the center of my children's world, I know the day is coming when they will move on.  G.I Joe keeps reminding me that he will be enlisted in a scant two years.  Then I will move on.  I will be the grandmother, the wise one, the crone.  It is a phase of life, I look forward to.  All in due time.