Those of you who read my blog frequently know that I still have a lot to lean. You may have also picked up on the fact that some days I am behind the learning curve- way behind. This past week I made a stupid mistake not once, but three times in a row. I asked my cards a question and despite getting the same answer in slightly differing vocabulary all three times, I still doubted my reading.
It all started last Tuesday morning when my dad tried to call. I was home and I did hear the phone ring, but I choose not to answer. I just didn't feel like I had the strength to deal with him, in fact just the ringing of the phone felt like an emotional attack. My entire childhood was spent trying to be good enough not to bring him shame and in the process I became someone I absolutely did not enjoy being. The journey to where I am now has been long and hard, but it still only takes a few moments for my dad to toss all my confidence on the ground and remind me what a disgrace I am. I have the wrong haircut. I have defaced my body with tattoos and piercings. I endanger my children by treating them with herbs and having homebirth. I married a man who is so irresponsible that he dares ride a Harley. It goes on and on and on... To make it even worse, he doesn't say it to my face. He says it to other family members who relay it to me, so I can try to remedy the situation and pacify our ranting patriarch. It seems that I am the only one who even tries to live without of his approval.
So he calls and without even hearing his voice, my anxiety level goes through the roof. I consult my Oracle deck and three readings told me to relax, be happy, everything is just fine. I simply couldn't believe it. I felt like a little girl trying to hide all over again. Superman offered to call out to the ranch and deal with it for me, but that would have set off another chain of events that I didn't want deal with either, so I just let it ride for the rest of the day.
The following morning, the phone woke me up and I answered without even thinking. Of course, it was my dad and he was shockingly pleasant. We spoke of general things like calving season, weather, and Miss Busy's new teeth. I kept waiting for the tide to change, but it never did. We actually had a pleasant conversation. When we hung up, I felt like I had dodged a bullet.
Then exactly a week after it all started, I ran into him and my stepmom at the store. They had come into town to sell some calves and were grabbing a few groceries before heading back to the middle of nowhere. My first response was to cringe, but he was grinning like a little boy and happy to see me. We chatted for fifteen minutes or so while they passed Miss Busy between them. So far, nobody has called me with a list of his complaints, so I am considering it a successful encounter.
My cards really did know the right answer, I just wasn't willing to accept it. Maybe I was afraid of being too optimistic about the situation, or I doubted my new found skills; either way I refused to trust what I was told. Skepticism can often be a good form of self defense, but it can also be a hindrance and detrimental to a healthy relationship. When I ask The Power and my cards for answers, I need to have the respect to take their answer for truth rather it makes sense to me at the time or not.
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